Sunday, April 4, 2010

I’m No “Dr. PhilTM

We may be able to tell our children about grandma’s “cure for the hiccups” but they know everything else that there is to know about hiccups, all in the click of a button. Sometimes it’s scary to learn too much information on a subject though because before you know you could start believing that the hiccups is linked to a serious disease, whether it is in your situation or not.

I think you will agree that our children have more parenting information at their disposal than we ever did. I am sure if you searched the Internet for “parenting tips for a new mom”, you would get quite a few hits. I would have loved to have this available to me when I was a young mom. I had all my children out West, thousands of miles away from my family and friends, so having an anonymous person to ask all my “dumb questions” about parenting, would have been great. Our children also have the benefit of sites to keep in touch with other young parents and their friends, to vent about something that’s happened or to ask questions, and sometimes they are more comfortable with that. Children never seem to outgrow the fact that they don’t want their parents “telling them what to do”, so my advice is to not make advice-giving your priority. Your children may be feeling insecure about being a new parent (as you probably were), and if you are constantly telling them what to do, then you could make them feel even more insecure. On the other hand, they may think they know everything there is to know and don’t see the “easy solution” to a problem. Keep in mind that if they are seeing your advice-giving as criticism or meddling in their business, it can cause misunderstandings and relationship problems that never get resolved. You want to spend time with your children and grandchildren, and there usually is no reason to get involved in their lives to that extent. If asked for advice, give it, but otherwise, the best thing is just to not say anything. If, and when, they want your advice, they will ask for it, but it will more than likely be because they have exhausted all other avenues to get answers, which is fine. It’s no wonder they get confused about what to do sometimes with all the information they are reading and hearing, but that’s where we come in to support them and help them. We don’t know all the answers either, but we know what worked for us, although it’s probably a good idea to quote Dr. PhilTM when giving advice, to give yourself some credibility ha ha

1 comment:

  1. I find it is also easier to give advice to your own children, especially if the new parent is your daughter. They may initially get mad at you, but hey, you should be used to that by now :) Actually, biting your tongue at times can be better for this new relationship with your daughter. It may be harder to do though and since they are your own kids, they are probably expecting you to say something since you are their Mom. Although, I am probably wrong on that :)